“Reflections” is from “A Poetic Anthology” Peter Victor (2021)
THE POET
The Poet was a piece of shit
A rusted piece of shit bulk carrier
It was also supposed to be my second job
My second job as a US Merchant Mariner
The time was 1980
The place was Houston, Texas
I was a wet behind the ears
Would be renegade
Who had just driven a friend’s girlfriend from New York to Boulder, Colorado
Where she was going to school
I then backtracked to Houston in hopes of getting out on the high seas
I succeeded on the first day
The SS Poet as messman
That is what the job was called then
Kind of self explanatory
It is now called Stewart Utility
I was to catch her in Galveston
A friend I had been chumming with in the union hall was also going to Galveston
He suggested we check our bags at the bus station and grab lunch and a beer
So we did
An hour or so later I am on the bus
My chum was long gone
I still remember some of the people
A Spanish looking girl with a baby
A mariner looking dude who wasn’t a mariner
And other fringe players including me
We arrived in Galveston and stepped out of the bus into heat and sunlight
The opened the side and started pulling bags out of the bowels of the bus
People silently picked up their bag and disappeared
Soon the bus was empty and I was alone with baggage stubs in hand
“Where is my bag?”
“Relax son, we will get it here next bus.”
Buses came and went every hour
None had my bag
I waited in the beer joint attached the the bus station
And drank a beer every half hour
Finally hours later in the dark of night my bag arrived
I poured myself into a cab and went down to the ship
Something happened that in fifteen years shipping I never saw or ever heard about happening
The union hall had shipped two people to the same job
Because of my delay the other dude had arrived first and had already signed on
The Captain with his arms wide said, “I am sorry son you have to go.”
I should have cared but didn’t
I threw my sea bag on my shoulder and started down the gangway
Did I mention I was pretty much broke
No plastic in those days
I had reached the bottom of he gangway
“Hey!”
I turned
Someone was yelling at me from the top of the gangway
Back up I went
“You don’t want to be walking around down there in the dark with a bag on your shoulders. My watch partner lives here and has gone home. We can pull the sheets of his bed and you can sleep there and leave in the light of morning. We enjoyed a cognac with a few quiet words and went to sleep.
The next morning I ate breakfast with the crew and left.
That very day I got another job
I was soon out on the Caribbean on a small tanker
Eating breakfast at sea some weeks later the Captain came in and posted a notice
“SS Poet RIP”
I turned to the guy next to me and said, “What does RIP mean?”
The Poet vanished with all hands
To this day it remains an unsolved maritime mystery
There wasn’t a distress call
They conducted one of the largest air and sea searches ever
And didn’t find anything
All the things that would float, self releasing life rafts, life preservers
Nothing was ever found
The Poet and entire crew simply disappeared
Forever
I know I was prevented from getting on that doomed ship
Much goes on in this world that we are destined never really to be able to get our arms around
Do not try to talk to me about coincidences
Faith, belief, spirit these words are part of my life, but I am not going to discuss them
Someday I will know why I was spared
In the meantime I think of my two sons, my life and the living water that has flowed under the bridge
Yeah... the SS Poet
The Poet
That’s me.
Also from “A Poetic Anthology.”
_____________________
HAIZEA
I first met Haizea in the autumn of '79
I met her in a small dark shithole called Tradewinds Cafe
Even in the dark
Even in the desperate destitute times that led us to that specific location
At that given specific time
I recognized her beauty
Looking back now I realize
The purposeful preordained meaning of our meeting
Our eyes met and we recognized each other
Immediately
The meeting I mention
Keeps expanding with each passing year
Now
I cannot see the end of it
Or her
Even though she is gone
To say we were lovers does not quite cover it
To say we were friends does not quite cover it
To say we were siblings does not quite cover it
We just were
For many years we would ship together
Vacation together
Talk and think together
Then we began to drift apart
It was a piece of shit heavy-lift tramp freighter
We were riding her together in separate rooms
One dark rough overcast night
I woke and sat up quickly
I heard her calling
Quickly and silently I followed her call
Down dim passageways
Out onto the pitch black deck
Back to the fantail
There she was!
Outside the rail on the stern
Above the prop
Leaning back hair flying in the wind
She brought her head forward and our eyes locked
She released the rail with one hand
Brought it to her mouth blowing me a kiss
Then grabbed the rail again
Quickly bent down
Then pushed off
Hurling herself backward into the churning sea
And just like that
She was gone
I don't know how long I stood there
Finally I turned and retraced my steps back to my room
I rose at 0400 to stand my watch
And the funny thing
Or not so funny
Not a word was ever spoken
Not that morning
Not that day
Not when we finally reached port
It's as if she never existed
Now,
I cannot see the end of her
Now,
Haizea
Just is.
(2024)
THE FALL II
We are witnessing what a few short years ago would have been unthinkable. The collapse of the United States democracy.
I am certain there are many causes - many of which I am blind to - and I am not going to try to reach beyond my sphere of observation - I am simply going to try to somewhat coherently articulate what I have seen
.
Who am I? Who is this witness? Nobody important. Simply an American boy who has been kicking around the beaches, roads, woods and fields for close to seventy-years.
So what happened?
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the collapse of the middle class. For years the middle class was the strength and soul of this country. It was who we were. Think “Happy Days” if you are old enough to remember this show. Why did the middle class collapse? Again, I am certain there are many causes I am blind to, but a significant contributing factor was our transition from a producing nation to a consuming nation. We stopped making stuff, the factories closed, and everything was shipped to us from China in a tidy little box.
Of course these things we were purchasing were not produced under humane conditions - the words “slave labor” come to mind; but this was out of our line of sight, and we didn’t have to think about it. And, we didn’t.
The middle class shrunk to the point of almost nonexistence, and the lower class and upper class grew, and grew, and grew. Enter the haves and the have nots.
It was about this time we stopped liking each other.
The country became, and to this day very much is completely polarized. We not only don’t like each other, we hate each other.
And, our government, yes our government: this is where it had to happen, right? They also began hating each other. They forgot they were on the same team. They stopped working together. And set out to destroy each other. And, in the process they destroyed us.
So specifically what happened?
Well, one thing that immediately comes to mind is Mitch blocking a Supreme Court pick through the use of an obscure ancient rule. It was dirty pool… an under-handed low-ball move that tragically shifted the balance of power in Washington.
Since that time the Supreme Court has failed themselves and their country in a series of tragic decisions. I am not going to go through the dirty laundry list, but money in elections, and absolute immunity are two of the big ones. These decisions allow elections to be bought and places the dictator / king above the law.
And, there you have it. That’s where we are today. We still hate each other. The country is more polarized than ever. And, our dictator / king has no intention of going anywhere in three-years. And, even if the country did the unimaginable and became unified I don’t see how we could remove him.
Does this mean I am beyond hope? No. There is always hope. What my hope is is what is lost in the short term is regained, and comes back stronger than ever. “Fixed” if you will. Weaknesses addressed. Integrity restored.
Anyway, that is how I see things, right or wrong, from my perch on a rainy Monday morning.
Have a good day! Have a great week!
(2025)
AWARENESS
Awareness
In the form of a small colorful bird
Flies above and a little in front of me
As we travel along
The small overgrown
Winding road
There are no people
Only
The sound of the wind
And the wild
Making wind and wild
Noises
Wind winds through events
In both future and past
The mad bellow
Mostly to themselves
But, alas the truly chosen
Never make a sound
____________(2025)
DEMOCRACY
The United States defense budget for the fiscal year 2025 is proposed at $895 billion. This is to protect our freedom. This is to protect our rights guaranteed by the constitution. This is to protect our democracy from foreign entities that would seek to destroy the same. Yet while our vigilant eyes are directed overseas our freedom, rights and democracy are being destroyed from within.
Freedom. The freedom to speak our mind. Freedom of speech. For centuries we have enjoyed, and been proud of this freedom. In the 1960s and 1970s when the country reared up and said, "We want change." Through a long sometimes painful process the country changed… for the better. In the first few months of 2025 we do not even know how many individuals, including students, who have been living law abiding lives, and are in the US legally and have been scooped up by people in plainclothes without warrants and without charges and have been taken and confined in places unknown including foreign prisons. Their freedom has been stolen.
Individuals choose a profession in education due to passion. They certainly do not choose this profession for the money. The passion that burns within their heart is to prepare the next generation for life. To provide the next generation with the tools they need to improve our world. Individuals that choose a profession in education spent their entire life preparing for this occupation. In the first few months of 2025 our universities standing at the very pinnacle of our education system have been told by an individual without any history or preparation in education, "This is what, and how you will teach. This is what you will not teach." The right to freely practice the profession they have spent a lifetime preparing for is being stolen.
Our democracy is failing. Our democracy is collapsing. For the people, by the people. Our democracy has not failed the people. The people have failed our democracy. The proverbial worm in the apple has caused untold damage. Hopefully we can recover and once again hold the banner that was an ideal respected, and looked up to by the entire world.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that to secure these rights governments are instituted among men."
Thomas Jefferson Memorial
(2025)
INLETS AND OUTLETS
I had a dream last night
The Dream spoke of
Inlets and outlets
The large body of living water
Which is being fed
And which is releasing
Is life
In this dream-state
I sought and succeeded
In identifying the inlets and outlets
In my life
Probably
Not surprisingly
In several cases
They were one and the same
From high on the mountain
Cold living water tumbles down
And it traverses and feeds the long lake
Before regrouping
And tumbling out
Continuing the journey
From the other side
(2025)
I have to reluctantly confess… never in my wildest imagination did I envision our world becoming so filled with vile malignant hate. No matter what religion you subscribe to, if you subscribe to one at all, the message is the same: Christianity, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Judaism, "Love thy neighbor as yourself." Islam, "None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself." Hinduism, "The world is one family." Buddhism, The four immeasurable minds of love, compassion, joy, and equanimity which are designed to be offered unconditionally to all living things." Sikhism, "None is our enemy, none is a stranger to us, we are in accord with one and all." Confucianism, "To love fellow men is the essence of being human."
It has to be acknowledged that there are beings out there that believe in nothing but themselves. It also has to be acknowledged that there are beings out there who have made the conscious decision to serve the forces of evil. Yes, this really exists. I always thought these two groups were in the extreme minority. Now I am not so certain. At any rate what their number may or may not be it is not up to us, certainly not up to me to attempt to correct. Me, thee and they, we all are constantly creating our own destiny. Mr. AI, if you would be so kind… "The essence of karma is the principle of cause and effect, where every thought, action, or deed creates a consequence that shapes future experiences, rather than a system of punishment imposed by a higher authority." Thank you!
What I find particularly disgusting is when people wrap themselves in a flag using it as some sort of perverse shield as cover for doing evil. Representatives kneeling in prayer as they vote to withhold food, healthcare and general care from children. Violence, and threats of violence as means to an end. Perversion in all its varied forms. Yes, to repeat myself, I never thought we would be here.
The million dollar question: What does the future hold? I have no idea. It is anybody's guess. Is WW III on the horizon? Does the US reenact a real-life version of "The Road?" I hope not. I have been called an eternal optimist and I guess I am. But even I do not think there will be a quick turn around. There is too much BAD! But I hope and think there will be a turnaround in time. I just do not know how much time, and how much damage will be done between now and then
They gathered in small groups gazing at the rising sun over a broken horizon. Slowly they began to move. Not to put things back together, but to begin anew. Again. 09/13/2025
US vs THEM vs INCLUSION
On a sunny Sunday in a polarized country, in a polarized world I thought we could take a look at this divide.The first question that comes to mind is why. Why of course the roots are in tribalism and/or organised crime. The shrunken very dead head on a stake outside the hut belonged to a "them." Practiced by various tribes, based in superstition, it was thought a shrunken head would keep away one’s enemies. And organized crime, hey, did you hear Bobby the Greek was shot and killed in a Laval Starbucks? Bobby on that morning, the other day, as he brought his coffee to his lips was also a "them." Of course it is described as an organized crime hit, and retaliation is expected. How's that go with your dark roast and banana bread? Starbucks had to close early for the clean-up. Here's the thing… us vs them causes problems, like death and early closings, and never works well. I remember a guy on one of the many deep sea merchant ships, "I don't give a fuck what you're into, if you treat me well, I'm going to treat you well. What's wrong with that?
Nothing! In the interest of efficiency we should include all…. They… or should I say "them" are here. Why do we pretend they are not? Well I guess we could put all the 'thems" on a plane and push them out without a parachute over Uganda. Really? But he was an "Us" or a US. Oops! Oh well. Now a shrunken very dead head outside a hut. As the rear plane door closes one hears, "My bad."
No, our bad! Bobby didn't know he was going to die the other morning. He was a creature of habit and some took notice. Alas, the world is one continuous unfolding crime scene. The Us and Thems in a non-ending continuous struggle. But it doesn't have to be.
In fact it is illogical and counter-productive. What we fear and hate most are character flaws and traits we see in others that in our quietest moments we recognize within ourselves. We think if we purge the other "them" from the world we will purge the flaw from our own being. Wrong!
It'd kind of like the white supremist neo nazi Craig Cobb discovering he was 14% black after a prolonged violent effort to make Leith, North Dakota all white. Like it or not, we are one.
We are one people on one planet and it only makes sense… the most logical way to proceed is to work together. One of my favorite quotes and something I consider a hard fast reality is "You cannot judge… you don't have enough information." Bobby the Greek would still be alive. There wouldn't be people wandering around Uganda saying, "What the fuck am I going to do now?" But most importantly, and quite simply we would get more done and the world would be a little bit better place to live. (10/25)
THE FALLACY OF TIME
We are easily duped. We are duped into thinking we have possessions. Duped into thinking we have baggage for this journey we are on. This baggage is carried by the present, can be viewed in the past, and/or planned for in the future. All an opium pipe dream for in actuality the present, past and future is a man-made mirage and these do not actually exist.
As I sit here in the dark with my loyal dog in front of me I decide I want to take a look at the present… now. Gone! But… how? I will try again. Gone… again. It… that is the present simply will not stay still long enough for me to get a look at it. So if I can’t see it ever the giant question arises does it actually exist.
It is similar to thoughts. “Hold that thought.” Wait! What! Gone! Replaced by another. Just like the present. Before it actually was.
If you can’t see it, if you can’t feel it, if you can’t touch it… I will try the past. I’ve brought along this very expensive instrument to help me capture the past. It is called a camera. “Look at this young woman, isn't she beautiful?” Sorry… she doesn’t exist. Kicking Bird in “Dances With Wolves” knew, “The white man the soldiers are looking for no longer exists.” Such is the past.
What about the future? Silly! This one is easy. We stand pacing impatiently in the station waiting for our train called the future. We frantically pace, first as a young child, then as a young adult and finally as an old tired human. We no longer even bother looking at our watch. We know the future train is never going to arrive. And finally one day all is quiet and the station is empty.
Particles of dust gently float in a shaft of filtered sunlight. There we be. We are simply perception. Perceived by who, by what? Big questions that we will not attempt to answer here. We will keep this conversation to the opium pipe dream of the past, present, and future. (10/25)